K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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