"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
