Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
