so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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