No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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