well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
