Don't you send me to vm
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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