its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
