Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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