He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
