shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You ruined the universe
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
