Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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