I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
