where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
