Dude my mom stole all your condoms
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
