I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No subtext here. People are naked.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This is my gift to your gina
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
