I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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