Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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