this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
