You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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