I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
