Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
