did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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