he puts the penis in happiness.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
