I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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