But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
