Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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