Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wear drunk well.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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