and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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