i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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