2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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