You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
