You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
