just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
