mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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