i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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