he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
