what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
MIDGETS
????
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Randomize
