i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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