the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
