Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize