Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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