i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize