I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
