Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
