Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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