Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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