he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
