Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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