Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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