I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
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