Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
