He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
