i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
