I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
