STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
