Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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