I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
