i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
