My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
