Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
