While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
