Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
