WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
