Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
