I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
