I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Watching her eat just hurts me
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
