I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just invented taco cereal.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
