last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
