Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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