hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
