Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
