i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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