so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
